Fear of Falling
by ThereAreNoLines
Summary: It took five years, four months, two weeks and six days for Spencer Hastings and Hanna Marin to decide to have a baby. Did they want one? Yes. Were they ready? That was another story entirely. Twoshot


The subject first came up in conversation five years, four months, two weeks and six days after Spencer and Hanna started dating. Spencer was able to count every single day of the period of time. It hadn't always been easy. Sometimes she caught herself thinking that it had been more difficult and trying and emotionally exhausting than it had been easy. But then she supposed that she didn't really want it any other way. Every blissful moment was ten times more rewarding because of how hard won it was.

The two of them were stable now, though. They had been for the better part of a year. Spencer was out of college, and while she was doing graduate work part time, she had a steady job that was forty hours a week. Hanna was still working part time, and she liked it that way. As archaic as it was, she liked being home when Spencer got home with dinner on the table and everything clean. It more often than not didn't work out that way, but it was the effort that counted. (Plus, sometimes, when there was no dinner and the apartment was a mess, Spencer would come home to find Hanna wearing an apron and nothing else. Those were the best nights.)

They had two cars. They had health insurance. They had HBO. They paid bills. Spencer had business cards. Never before in her life had Spencer ever felt like more of an adult. It was a terrifying feeling. She was 24 years old, and sometimes, she caught herself thinking that perhaps she had plateaued. That she was already all she was ever going to be. That was her main worry now, and it seemed silly, compared to the problems she'd had in the past.

But she never wanted so drastic a solution to that worry.

She knew it was coming. The way Hanna would dote on her niece every time they watched her. The way she had begun to drag Spencer over to window displays of kid's stores in the mall. How adorable every baby that went by in a stroller or a sling was to her. The extreme care she used to pick up gifts for their friends that had entered that next scary stage of adulthood and were now throwing extravagant baby showers instead of ragers.

Spencer knew it was coming, but she wasn't prepared.

Hanna had made Spencer's favorite, and normally she hated how long it took to make, so Spencer knew she was going to ask something big. Still, she pretended you she didn't notice that something was up. (Because hopefully, something wasn't.) It snuck up on her. She caught her off guard.

"You remember that we have Amy's baby shower this weekend, right?" Hanna asked, having pushed her plate aside, sipping at her water.

"Oh, right, of course." In reality, she hadn't forgotten. "I can't believe you remember the events of my coworkers better than I can." She forced a laugh, hoping praise would perhaps get her mind off of it. "What would I do without you?"

"Offend a whole lot of coworkers." Hanna returned with a giggle. "God, I just…don't you love baby showers? Everyone's so happy, and, I mean, how could they not be? It's a baby. It's like a shot of concentrated optimism."

"I guess that's one way to look at it." Suddenly, the meal didn't seem so appealing. Spencer pushed the food around with her fork. She wasn't sure where her aversion to this topic came from. (Well, she was. But it came with issues she wasn't ready to admit to yet. Perhaps that in and of itself was the aversion.) "Babydoll, I'm tired, do you think we could just take a bath or something?"

"Yeah…yeah, in a minute." Hanna said, getting up, taking her plate over to the counter. "I just…" She turned her back to the counter, resting her hands on it as she looked at Spencer. "Well, would it really be a bad idea? We're in a good place. We both have jobs, we've got savings…I feel like this is the next step to this 'being an adult' business."

Spencer let out a long sigh. "Hanna – "

"Spence, I just really want to have a baby with you." There it was. No more hints or tiptoeing around the subject. Hanna had put it out there, finally, and she had no choice but to reciprocate. "And I think now is the time."

"Hanna…there are so many things to consider." She turned her chair, wincing at the scraping noise it made against the linoleum floor. "Right now, I think we have to focus on building our life as it is. A baby is…a lot. We're just now getting used to us. I don't know if we could handle another element in our lives right now, especially one as unpredictable as a baby." She couldn't bring herself to look Hanna in the eye. "I just want us."

"This would be better than just us, though." The smallness of Hanna's voice pulled at her chest, but not nearly enough to break her resolve. It was just too much.

"No, Hanna…not now." Spencer shook her head, finally locking eyes with her. She wasn't wounded, per say, but looked more like a child who had been reprimanded for something that they didn't think they deserved. "Come on, let's just get in the bath, okay?"

There was no bath. They slept with their backs to one another that night.

* * *

They didn't talk about it until Sunday, almost four days later, at Amy's baby shower. They didn't talk about much of anything actually, if Spencer was being honest. She felt partially responsible, after all, it was her refusal of Hanna's request that had caused all this, but she wasn't going to consent to a baby of all things, not when she wasn't ready.

So why did she feel so guilty?

"Han." Spencer caught her wrist as she moved to open the car door. "Stay for a minute."

"Spencer, we're going to be late." Hanna said, carefully cradling the gift basket with her arm. She'd spent hours on it, probably in the interest of avoiding her, but she was just naturally good at things like that anyway. "Come on."

"Five minutes won't matter." Spencer pulled her back into the car, taking the gift basket from her, setting it aside. "Look, I get that you're not happy with me, but what more do you want from me? I told you how I felt. I was honest with you."

"Brutally." Hanna sighed, not looking at her. "I mean…yeah, I get it, Spencer. I do. I just…all I've ever wanted is to be a mom. Well, not 'all,' but you get what I mean. It's just…before I met you, I never really…had anyone to take care of, and even you take care of me. I've always been the one who's dependent on someone else. I…I want to know what it's like. To love someone that much and care for them." She took a deep breath, looking out the window. "And it's not just that, it's…I feel like it's the next step. We have everything we need to start a family, Spencer, what are we waiting for?"

This was not going to be a fun discussion, she could already tell. While she could see Hanna's logic, it still didn't quite resonate with her. It wasn't as though she was saying 'no'…she was saying 'not right now.' "Life, Hanna?" Spencer asked. "If and when we have a baby, things are going to change."

"You think I don't know that?" Hanna said. "I'm gonna get fat, first of all, I mean, I don't mind, but…there's going to be three am feedings and we'll need to find a bigger place and we won't be able to go out as much or anything, and I'm okay with that. And I thought you of all people would be okay with that too, but I guess that was the one thing I didn't know about you." There was a brief beat of silence before Hanna opened the car door. "We're going to be late." She added quietly, leaving Spencer's only option for a response to be quietly swallowing her words and following her into the party.

Being the only lesbian couple at these 'no men allowed' showers was interesting, because previously, these parties had been a domain where only one half of the couple was represented. But now both of them were there, and there was tension between them, and in a room full of hormonally charged women, this did not go unnoticed. After a presentation of the gift to Amy and a couple of strained, congratulatory smiles, Hanna parted ways with her immediately. Half of the women flocked in her direction. The other half, unfortunately, flocked to her.

"So like, I totally don't mean to be nosy…" Kenzie – Amy's sister in law, apparently – said, touching Spencer's arm like they hadn't met just five minutes before. "But what's the deal with you and Hanna, you guys seemed totally on ice when you walked in."

"It's nothing." Spencer said, sipping her club soda, suddenly wishing alcohol was an appropriate beverage for baby showers. "Just couple stuff. Like any other couple."

But they weren't like every other couple. At least, they hadn't been for most of their history together. There had been so many things that had tried to pull and peel them apart like a weak piece of licorice, but they'd always managed to cling to each other no matter how hard it was to do so. The constant fight had kept them on their toes, had made them so in tune with one another that they could communicate without even speaking. And it was only now that they were past that fight, now that they were becoming more like any other couple out there, that this disconnect had begun to develop. And that terrified her.

Was Hanna right? Was having a family the next step? Or were they headed for something much worse than the things they'd already faced?

Spencer excused herself after about five minutes of sitting there on the verge of tears, deciding that the cliché of crying in the bathroom was better than bursting out into a full blown panic attack in the middle of a baby shower. Bursting through the door upstairs which she thought led to the bathroom, she was suddenly assaulted with powder blue and white walls and the scent of baby powder. Had she not been in such a strange state, she might have appreciated how cute the nursery for the unborn baby was. Instead, it just made her cry harder. She sank down in the rocking chair, put her face in her hands, and she cried. She couldn't bear the thought of losing Hanna, but the only thing that terrified her at a comparable rate was being a mother. What the hell was she supposed to do?

"Spencer?" Hanna's voice was small from out in the hallway, and Spencer furiously tried to make herself appear calmer, but as the blonde appeared in the doorway, she lost it. "Spencer…" Hanna moved forward, kneeling down in front of her, reaching out and wiping her eyes, cupping her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so pushy, I didn't know you'd get so upset."

"It's…it's not that." She said, pausing for a hiccup, pulling Hanna's hands away, wiping her own tears. "I just…I don't want to lose you." The words rushed out of her, accompanied by waves of both anxiety and relief.

"Come here." Hanna wrapped her arms around Spencer, pulling her close. "You're not going to lose me. Not now, not ever. I promise." She pulled back, cupping Spencer's cheek. "It would take much more than making me wait for a baby to make me leave you."

"Are we growing apart?" Spencer asked, turning against her touch, closing her eyes.

"No…no, we're not. We won't. We won't let that happen." Hanna assured her. "Okay?"

After a moment, Spencer nodded, taking a deep breath, sufficiently calmed. She believed her. She had to. Any other choice would have driven her mad, and besides that, she trusted Hanna. Hanna was just about the only thing she trusted anymore.

"So are okay?" Hanna pulled back slightly, to which Spencer nodded.. "Do you feel better now?" Spencer nodded again, reaching out and squeezing her hands. "…do you want to have a quickie?"

A small smile crept over her features, and Spencer nodded once again. "But not here, that's kinda creepy."

Both women were in a considerably better mood by the time they got back downstairs, and even more so by the time the party was over. Spencer slid into the driver's seat, closing her eyes for a moment, before she opened them and looked over at Hanna, the words slipping out before she could even stop them. "We're not married."

"Oh, we're married." Hanna said, as she buckled her seatbelt. "The state of Pennsylvania just won't give us a certificate to prove it."

"We're not even engaged." Spencer replied, turning over the engine.

"We've been together for five and a half years." Hanna replied, raising an eyebrow. "If you're planning on leaving me for someone else in the future, by all means, tell me now so I can kill her before that happens."

Spencer laughed a little, shaking her head. "I'm not going anywhere." She said. "…we just got on our feet. We'll need to get a new place, a second car, there will be bills and sleepless nights and…" Spencer trailed off suddenly, gripping the steering wheel tightly as she realized she'd rather have that then what they had now.

"…Spencer?" Hanna knew. She knew ever part of her intimately, and that included the cues and tics in her voice. She knew. "Spence?" The elated lilt in her voice all but sealed the deal.

"…okay." Spencer said, looking over at her. "Let's have a baby."

* * *

"So I asked Jason to be our donor."

Spencer did a double take, dropping the textbook she was reading on her face. "Ow!" She hissed, before pulling it off, turning over to look at Hanna. "You asked him without talking to me first?"

"I figured it was the logical choice." Hanna said, shrugging. She wasn't even looking at her, her eyes trained on her nails as she painted them yet another shade of pink. "After all, I mean, he is your half-brother, and that way, the baby would be related to both of us, sort of."

"Yeah, but Jason's also Ali's half-brother, which means he's half DiLaurentis, did we forget that fact?" Spencer asked, setting the book on the floor. "I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with our baby having a quarter of a chance of being like Ali."

"But…" Hanna sighed, taking great care to screw the top back on the polish. "I mean, that's not bad, is it? He's a nice guy, and I just…I don't want you to feel left out." She finally locked eyes with her, reaching over to brush her hair out of her face. That was what Spencer both loved and disliked about Hanna – her impulsiveness. It often had a lot of unintended consequences and usually caused a few good fights, but her intentions were always pure, and almost always trying to protect or help or otherwise please Spencer. Sometimes she resented it, but most of the times it was charming and sweet and it made her love her more. This was one of those times.

"Hanna." Spencer reached up and took her face in her hands, pulling her down into a kiss. "I have no interest in passing along my DNA right now. It's gotten me in enough trouble. I don't want that for our baby. I won't feel left out, I promise."

"Are you sure?" Hanna asked, biting her lower lip as she stretched out along the mattress. "I mean, we could always use your egg if you wanted to. The next one could be mine."

Spencer shook her head. "First things first, I can barely wrap my head around one baby, let alone two. Second, like I said, I don't care if our baby has half my genes. It doesn't matter where it gets it's genes from." She reached out, pulling Hanna close to her, resting her hands on her stomach. "That's going to be our baby in there in a month or two. Our baby. I will never feel left out."

"…God, I love you." Hanna sighed, nuzzling her head where Spencer's neck met her shoulder, sighing into her skin. "You're amazing."

Spencer laughed a little, threading her fingertips through her hair. "I know."

"Also conceited."

"Mhm, now shut up and take your clothes off."

* * *

The procedure was cold and scientific and it put Spencer off, even though she knew it was coming. In the two months or so they'd had to let it sink in that they were really doing it, that they were actually having a child, she had let that fact slip by the wayside in her head. It wasn't until they were driving home afterwards, Hanna quiet and drowsy in the front seat, the radio pumping in soft music to help her sleep, that Spencer realized how much it pissed her off that she couldn't just get in bed with Hanna and make a baby with her.

Still, she couldn't help but spare a smile as she carried Hanna across the threshold of their apartment door, and Hanna, sill sleepy, shifted in her arms to wrap her own around Spencer's neck. Nothing clinical about that. "I'm cold." She whispered, resting her head against her chest as Spencer sank down onto their bed, still holding her. "Everything was so cold, Spencer."

"I know…"Spencer stroked her hair soothingly, shifting her out of her lap after a moment. "Just let me put your legs up…it's supposed to help." She slid a stack of pillows beneath her legs. "Only for a little while, I promise."

"'Kay." Hanna said, the sound muffled by the pillow she was now burying her face into. "Can I have a blanket? The fuzzy one – the _pink_ fuzzy one."

"One pink, fuzzy blanket coming up." Spencer laughed a little, taking it out from under the bed and draping it over her, immediately beginning to laugh. "Oh, honey, you look so silly."

"Don't laugh at me!" Hanna whined, pushing Spencer away as she leaned over to kiss her. "No, stop, meanie!" She sighed, resigning as Spencer kissed her nose. "Are you gonna laugh at me when I'm fat?"

"No." Spencer said, leaning against the bed. "Besides, you're not going to be fat, you're going to be carrying our baby and it's going to be beautiful." She could already imagine it, even with her previous ambivalence, and she honestly couldn't wait. Now they had agreed and accepted this, and now that they had actually gone through with it, she was consumed. All she wanted was to watch her grow with their child, to revel in the anticipation, to be there when it finally happened. It was terrifying, but she couldn't wait.

"Can you lay here with me?" Hanna asked after a moment, reaching back and patting the bed beside her. "I'm still cold."

"You never have to ask me that." Spencer said, sliding onto the bed beside her, draping an arm over her, resting her head in the crook of her neck. So she couldn't actually make a baby with her. But, she reflected, lying there and holding her and peppering her neck with kisses, this wasn't that bad in comparison.

* * *

The waiting was more than Spencer could take. More than both of them could take, actually. The following five weeks were the hardest weeks of their lives. They had told no one they had attempted it, afraid of jinxing it, so their anxiety was shared only between them. The air in the apartment was thick with tension, good and bad. They fought and made up and made love at near record amounts. Each night, Spencer laid awake, hands resting against the taut skin of Hanna's stomach, wondering if they had, indeed, succeeded. She would wonder if they had done the right thing, if they had moved too fast. She would wonder about the future. Then she would wonder if Hanna was awake too, endlessly wondering about the same things, but she was always too afraid to ask.

They lived with the tension and the anxiety for so long that, one day, about halfway through the fourth week, it simply disappeared. It had become so palpable that it had integrated itself into their atmosphere, and they were no longer aware of it. It was only little moments, when Hanna had to refuse the offer of alcohol, or Spencer had to resist the urge to buy a new tennis racket to save money. Those were the moments when it peaked, and they sat there in wonderment at their decision and its consequences.

But for the most part, they lived outside of it – it was the only way they would survive. And except for those few little hiccups, it didn't make itself known again until exactly 3:17 am, February 16th. That was the date and time displayed on the alarm clock in bright green glowing digits when Spencer opened her eyes to find that Hanna was missing from the bed. "Han?"

She sat up, pulling at the sheets slightly. She was still in pajamas, since Hanna had been tired and had turned in a couple of hours before her. A moment of silence was followed by a muffled moan of distress from the bathroom, the light spilling out from under the door, and Spencer leapt out of bed, tugging a hoodie on and knocking lightly on the door with the back of her hand. "Hanna?" She knocked again. "Babydoll, are you alright?"

When there was no answer, Spencer opened the door to find Hanna leaning against the tiled wall, legs tucked under her, eyes closed. "Sorry." She mumbled, shifting as Spencer got down next to her. "Don't feel well."

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Spencer asked, laying the back of her hand against her forehead, and then her cheek. "You don't feel warm…"

"You have midterms coming up and I didn't want to worry you." Hanna said, a bit breathless, clearly in pain. "I'm sure it's nothing…" The instant the words came out of her mouth, Hanna's skin took on a pale pallor and she leaned forward suddenly, managing to pull herself up in time to get sick in the wastebasket.

"Babydoll…" Spencer leaned forward, scooping her hair back as she continued to get sick. "It's okay, you're alright." She rubbed her back, leaning back with her as she finished getting sick. Hanna's tired body sagged against Spencer's chest.

"God, I feel like shit." Hanna said, tucking her head up under Spencer's chin, finding one of her hands with her own, her ice cold fingers intertwining with Spencer's warm ones.

"I'm sorry." Spencer said softly, kissing the top of her head. She wasn't sure how she got through as much of her next sentence before it hit her. "It's probably nothing compared to how you're going to feel when…" She trailed off suddenly, her eyes going wide, her grip on Hanna's hand tightening. She must have realized it at the same time Spencer had, because not even a minute later, Hanna was digging through the medicine cabinet for the pregnancy test their doctor had given her.

"How did we miss this?" Hanna asked, finally tearing the box from the cabinet, dumping the contents out on the sink. "This was all we were thinking about a month ago!"

"I don't know." Spencer said as she got to her feet. "We...the doctor went on vacation, that's what happened. We must have just…gotten overwhelmed and then forgot." She sighed heavily. "I'll be out in the bedroom when you're done, okay?" She slipped outside and sat on the bed, her stomach roiling, and not with sympathy nausea either. It was one thing in concept, a baby, a family, a future, but now that it was quite possibly reality and not just words, it was something else entirely. She had thought she was prepared, but she was suddenly faced with the realization that she was nowhere near ready for this, in any way.

"Five minutes." Hanna said as she shut the door behind her, setting her phone on the nightstand. "I…I set the alarm." She crossed her arms over her chest, looking down at Spencer. "You…look like you're thinking too hard again…"

"Well, this is something we need to think hard about." Spencer said, looking up at her, hands clasped in her lap. "It was all well and good in concept, but…our baby could be in there right now." She lightly touched her stomach, exposed slightly where her camisole rode up. "This is…entirely different."

"…I really hope you're not saying that you don't want to do it anymore." Hanna said, backing away from her slightly, tugging her shirt down. "It's a little late to back out, Spencer."

"No, that's…that's not what I mean." Spencer sighed, reaching out, resting her hands on her hips, and pulling her back towards her. "I mean…I love you, Hanna. And I want this for us, but I am scared out of my wits."

"…what is this about, Spencer?" Hanna asked, reaching out and cupping her cheeks with both hands, making Spencer look up at her. "What is so scary to you about this? You're going to be a great mom."

"No, I'm not." The words came out before Spencer realized it. And there it was. The truth she'd been hiding for so long, shoving it down into a place where it wouldn't matter, where she could attempt to ignore it. Hanna wanted this so much, and she wanted it for Hanna, and for them, and she hadn't wanted to let a part of herself get in the way of that. "I'm going to be a terrible mother, Hanna. I don't have anything to go off of. My mother didn't give a shit about me, and she still can barely look me in the eye. I don't know how to be a mother, Hanna. I never had one. Not like you did."

"Oh, baby…" Spencer turned away, not wanting to see the pity in Hanna's eyes. "You're going to be a wonderful mother. You know what not to do…I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have a baby with than you. You're smart, you always know what to do. If I ever panic, you'll be able to keep your head on straight. Most importantly, you'll know what not to do." Hanna made Spencer look at her, and there was nothing even close to pity in her eyes. It was a shimmering look of pride, and while she wasn't quite sure what she had done to deserve it, it drove away the nauseous, nervous feeling spiraling around her ribcage, or at least blanketed it, so it wasn't so bad. "You…are the most loving person I've ever met. You're fierce and protective and loyal and I love that about you. You love me in spite of all my faults. You are _nothing_ like your family, baby. Not even close."

Spencer managed a watery, wavering smile as she glanced up at her girlfriend. "I'm finding that hard to believe, but I guess I'll have to try, won't I?" She asked. It wasn't as though she couldn't see what Hanna was saying was true. It was, for all intents and purposes. It was just hard to apply it to herself. She had always been told that she was too hard on herself, but she didn't know any other way to be. This wasn't any different.

"You aren't going to have to try." Hanna pulled Spencer's hands up to rest on her stomach. "Because in here, right now – hopefully – is a little girl or boy that's going to love you no matter what. They don't know about your parents, and they won't know that you're scared because of them. All they'll know is that you are always there for them. And that will be good enough."

"I – " Spencer's words were cut short by the ringing of the alarm, and she and Hanna locked eyes. Spencer assured her with a brief nod and a smile that she could go and look – after all, her words would mean nothing if the test turned out negative.

Every second that ticked by once Hanna disappeared into the bathroom was excruciating in multiple ways. Spencer dug her nails into the sheets as she waited, leaping up as Hanna stepped out of the bathroom after what felt like an eternity. "Well?"

Her poker face was perfect for only about a second before it crumpled into a grin. "It's positive!" Even though she was still terrified, and afraid of the future and her parenting skills, Spencer still found herself elated, or at least relieved that one part of her multifaceted tension was resolved. She leapt up, rushing over to Hanna, pausing just before she kissed her.

"Uh…brush your teeth first?" Spencer asked, just as Hanna turned away, covering her mouth.

"God, your shampoo…I'm going to be sick again." Still, Spencer couldn't help but laugh as she rushed back to the bathroom. They'd get the hang of it eventually.

* * *

The first three months after that were the worst.

Their doctor told them that morning sickness meant a healthy pregnancy, but Jesus, someone throwing up that much didn't strike Spencer as being very healthy. Morning, noon, middle of the night, Hanna had been running to the nearest trashcan. They'd gotten rid of everything that remotely had a scent – shampoo, perfume, conditioner, lotion. It was easier than Spencer had thought to get Hanna to part with them, she only had to unscrew the tops and shove them in her general direction, and in the trash can they went, along with the contents of Hanna's stomach.

When she wasn't getting sick, she was sleeping. Curled up on the couch, or on their bed…once, Spencer had even found her asleep in the bath tub, with her pink, fuzzy blanket and a few unscented candles. She explained that she'd gone in there to draw a bath, but had either forgotten or was just too tired – she hadn't remembered which. These naps were impromptu, could happen at any time of the day, and for any length of time from twenty minutes to four hours. More than once, with promises to be fulfilled later and just the sheer cuteness of Hanna when she was sleepy, she got Spencer to sleep alongside her, or at least hold her. (Bonding, she said. It would be important later on. She'd taken to reading a lot of baby books lately.)

When she wasn't sleepy, she was emotional. Upon waking up from her naps, and sometimes while settling down for them, she'd turn on Lifetime or put on a movie, (often one that was laden with emotional landmines,) and be sobbing within twenty minutes. Even when Spencer tried to hold her or turn it off or otherwise comfort her, she pushed her away, insisting that she was fine, and it wasn't that bad. This wasn't limited to those instances though. Anything could set her off. Old pictures of them, a phone call from her mother, (who still didn't know,) sweet things that Spencer did for her. She went on a fifteen minute long, tearful montage when Spencer brought her a blanket at the end of her third month.

When she wasn't emotional, to put it bluntly, she was horny. This didn't pick up until nausea began to ease, but when it did flare up, Spencer wasn't sure what had hit her. Not that they weren't ones for being kinky, and not that they hadn't already done it on every surface of the apartment already, but it was like someone suddenly turned up the volume on their sex life. Most of the time, she didn't complain – and why would she? Her gorgeous girlfriend was begging her for it. They did it against the walls, in the shower, in a restaurant bathroom, in the back of their car – and it wasn't limited to that either. It wasn't until Hanna kept her up so late that she slept through the first part of her shift that it began to be a problem.

But the instant that – or any of the other things – became a problem, it was suddenly switched off and another thing would take its place. All in all, Spencer knew she just had to deal with it.

After all, it was just nine months.

* * *

"I'm beginning to think that you're obsessed with my stomach." Hanna giggled, threading her fingertips through Spencer's hair as the brunette bent over her stomach, kissing the small bump. She was fourteen weeks along, and just showing…and right. Spencer couldn't get enough.

"Don't pretend like you're not enjoying this." Spencer murmured, brushing her fingers over her bump, exhaling as she rested her forehead against her chest. "You're just so beautiful, babydoll, I can't get over it." She whispered, tracing over Hanna's silken skin. She finally sighed, shifting up to kiss Hanna's cheek, resting a hand on her bump as she laid beside her.

"Did I say you could stop worshiping me?" Hanna asked, and for a moment, Spencer thought she was serious. But before she could resume, Hanna dropped down next to her, nestling down against her chest. "I think maybe we should start telling people, Spence." She sighed, running her fingertips along where the hem of Spencer's t-shirt rode up on her stomach.

"You think?" The idea made her chest tighten a little bit. Telling people…now that was what made it real. Not that it already wasn't, not that she hadn't already been alternating between elation and terror…it was a whole new level of real. Plus, having it be something only they knew…well, she had never loved Hanna more. The secret smiles they could share with one another when they were out with their friends, the long nights spent aimlessly talking about what they thought he or she was going to be like, catching each other taking long, loving glances at the other when they thought they weren't looking…it was almost magical. And while she wouldn't love her any less, she was loathe to lose that. The disconnect was completely gone because of it.

"Well, I'm not going to be able to hide it much longer." Hanna said. "The girls at work won't stop inviting me to drinks or asking why I'm suddenly gaining weight. I'm pretty sure they already suspect, and the only reason they haven't asked is because they're not smart enough to know that two women can have a baby without adopting."

"Well, that's what you get for working at a Forever 21 with a bunch of college freshmen." Spencer said, sighing. "…you're right though, I mean…we can't hide it forever."

"You sound depressed." Hanna said, frowning. "What's up?"

Spencer shrugged. "I just like sharing this with you, that's all…we weren't exactly drifting apart before, but I feel so much closer to you now. I don't want to lose that."

"We're not going to lose it, Spencer." Hanna said softly, reaching up and with a feather light touch brushing Spencer's hair out of her face. "I promise. We won't let it get lost."

"…aren't I supposed to be the one reassuring you, and taking care of you?" Spencer asked, after a moment, a small smile turning up the corners of her mouth, feeling significantly calmer.

"You can return the favor by resuming your previous position." Hanna teased, pushing away from her slightly. "Although maybe just a little lower…"


End file.
